


Back For You

by NextToYouHL



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Amnesia, Eleanor is mentioned but it's a Larry Fic., Eventual Smut, F/M, Harry and Louis are broken up, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Kid Fic, M/M, Past One Direction, bakery harry, harry has a kid
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-01-14
Updated: 2018-04-08
Packaged: 2018-05-13 22:11:22
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 15
Words: 17,895
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5718910
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NextToYouHL/pseuds/NextToYouHL
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>I'm not very good with summaries but let's give this a go:</p><p>Louis used to be Harry's everything...and then suddenly he wasn't.<br/>Louis comes back into Harry's life and flips it all upside down once more.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

"I found you, daddy!" Kristina cheered when she found me hiding in the bathtub. I quickly picked her up and tickled her in my arms. She squealed, kicking around in laughter, until no sound was coming out and her eyes filled with water. 

"D-daddy! D-daddy sto-*hiccup*op!" I put her down on the floor and watched her brush her tears of laughter from her face. 

"My turn to hide?"

"Sure, munchkin. What number do you want me to count-" the doorbell went off and Kristina lost all interest in the game of hide-and-go-seek that we had going. She took off down the stairs and to the door. 

"Don't open the door, Kristina! You know the rules!" 

"Who are you?" I heard my little girls voice ask, and began to panic. She knows better than to open the door for strangers! Then again, she is only three...but I've told her countless times! 

I rushed over but stopped when I saw who was standing there in the doorway.

"Louis..." I was in total shock and confusion.

He smiled and shuffled his feet back and forth, "Uh, hey, Harry."

"What? Um, what are you doing here? How did you know I lived here?"

"I may have called your mum? And it's in all the papers? I don't know, Harry. I just. I moved back into town." I just stared at him, not knowing what the right thing to say or do. I really just wanted to yell at him, scream my heart out, but I wanted to hold my ground.

"Could I maybe come inside? I really want to talk." Louis asked, running his fingers through his hair. Kristina by this time had run up and hid behind my leg, gripping my jeans tightly. 

I looked down at my three year old then back to Louis, "I don't think that's a good idea."

Louis sighed, "I know you don't want to see me, but I just really want to talk, Harry."

"Why should I let you come in? You're right, I don't want to see you right now, ever really. You've had three years to come back!"

"Please, Harry, please..." Louis begged, eyes glossed over with tears. The part of me that still loved him, the part I was so desperately trying to get rid of, wanted to pull him in my arms and hold him close. The other part of me wanted to slap him repeatedly. 

I would probably regret it, but I gave him a nod to come inside. I watched Louis step hesitantly into my house as I shut the door behind him. 

"Would you like some tea? Water? I don't have beer or anything like that because I never know what this little one will get into...um, there's milk?" Louis smiled and my heart started racing. That smile that I missed so much and only had to remember by photos and memories was right there in front of me again.

"Tea is fine."

\--------------------------------------------------

I handed Louis his tea and we went to the living room to sit. Kristina crawled up to sit in my lap and took my hands in hers, to wrap around her body. I smiled down at her and kissed the top of her head. 

"My daddy is the bestest." She stated out of the blue with the most serious face. Louis smiled fondly and nodded his head. 

"Baby, why don't you go play in your room for a little while so I can talk with Louis. You can even pack your own suitcase to go to your mum's."

"I pick my clothes?"

"Just make sure you pack warm, love." She nodded her head, her little curls bouncing up and down as she ran off to her room.

I cleared my throat and waited for Louis to start talking. 

"I uh, I'm sorry for coming. I know I shouldn't be here after all this time, but I couldn't help it."

"I'm still mad at you. Beyond mad at you. Upset, really." 

Louis nodded, looking at the ground, "I know you are, Haz."

"Don't call me that."

"Right...I know you are mad, Harry. I wanted to explain myself though."

"There's nothing to explain. You left me for her and that's all there is to it."

"Ya well you got over it pretty quickly."

"What's that even mean? That's total bullshit. I don't know what you think happened when you left me, Louis...but it wasn't exactly an easy time. You left me out of nowhere! I thought we were happy and in love, Louis! I was- hell, I was going to ask you to marry me! I had a ring and everything. I was waiting till Christmas to ask! You think I 'moved on' fast?! I never moved on, Louis! Never! And here you just show up at my home after three years to talk it over? Three years? It took you three years to realize that maybe I deserved some explanation on how you never loved me?"


	2. Chapter 2

"You wanted to marry me?"

I rolled my eyes and laughed bitterly, "Good thing I never got the chance to ask. Would have been one awkward 'no' to receive."

"I would have said yes..."

"And pretend to be in love with me? Secretly with Eleanor the whole time?"

"I didn't want to leave you!"

"Cut the crap, Louis. You left me because you wanted to be with her for real instead of her as a beard! I remember what you told me! Don't try and change the story now, it's too late. I've spent too many nights replaying the scene over and over in my head, just for you to come along and try to weave new parts in."

"Fine! I left you for her! I left you for her because loving her was easier than loving you. I didn't have to hide. I didn't have to lie. I could be me and be happy for once!" His words stung and I felt 21 all over again. I felt like I was going through the break up all over again. 

"Can you just leave? I don't even know why you're here. I don't want to see you ever again." I sniffled and rubbed my eyes.

"No, no this isn't how today was supposed to go. I didn't want this to happen."

"You're such a shit person, Louis. Please leave."

"I broke up with you so you wouldn't have to deal with hiding anymore! Management said that they couldn't allow two people in the band to come out but would allow one..and I knew how much you wanted it. I didn't just wake up one day and think, 'Oh I should break up with Harry today and just stay with Eleanor!' I thought about it night after night! How you could come out and be happy and find someone who would love you more than I ever could. I wanted you to be free, Harry. I thought it was a good idea at the time...to let you go and force my love for Eleanor to grow stronger. It worked for awhile, but then I realized that everything I was doing with her, I was wishing it was you. I love you, Harry. That's never going to change. So don't you dare say I never felt anything for you."

The tears were falling down my cheeks and I stood up from the couch, "That's the reason you broke up with me? So I could come out?! Who the hell gave you the right to choose that for me?! I would never come out in a billion years if it meant I got to stay with you! You fucked my whole life up!" 

Louis stayed silent, just staring at his cup of tea. 

"D-daddy?" I turned to see Kristina standing at the bottom of the staircase. I quickly wiped away my tears at an attempt to pull myself together for her. 

"Yes, baby?"

"Please d-don't yell."

I sighed, "Sorry, baby girl. I didn't mean to be so loud."

"I don't like when you yell."

"I know..."

"It's like when mummy and you yelleded. "

"I promise not to yell anymore. Louis was just leaving." Louis stood up slowly and made his way to the door without a goodbye. 

"I don't like him," Kristina said, plopping down on the couch. 

I chuckled to myself and sat down beside her, "Why's that?"

"He doesn't make you happy." I felt my heart swell with affection for her and wrapped her in a big hug. Life these days was exhausting. I never got a spare moment to myself unless it was bedtime for my own kid..which technically meant I was too tired to function and it was my bedtime as well. Today however, is my trade off day with my ex, Mia. She has Kristina every other weekend since she moved out of town and away from the school district we had wanted Krissy to attend. It was always hard letting Kristina go for a weekend, but she needed the time with her mum and I needed time alone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I will try to update every week or every other week. My spring semester is just starting and I also have work, so if future updates are ever a tad slow....I do apologize now.  
> I do have a lot of the parts already typed up though so that shouldn't be a problem until many chapters from now (:  
> Thanks for reading. Byeeee  
> -N


	3. Chapter 3

"Harry, come on mate. Just come out with me and the lads! You don't even have to stay the whole time! Just come for a little bit. Please? I miss you, man."

"Alright, alright! Jesus, Liam. I miss you too, but you know I've been busy..."

"Ya with Kristina, I know, H. She's not in your hands tonight, though! Or tomorrow! Perfect night to get drunk and sleep off the hangover the next day."

"I already agreed, Li."

"I'm just saying..."

"What time should I be ready?"

"I'll pick you up at nine."

I groaned, "Liammm. That's my bedtime."

I could imagine Liam rolling his eyes at me from wherever he was on the phone, "Nine. Really, Haz? Our concerts usually started at nine."

"We aren't in the damn band anymore. Things change." Liam got a bit quiet at that and I felt bad for snapping at him, but he was asking for it. 

"Right, um, see you at nine." The line went dead and I let out a deep breath.

\---------------------------------------------

"Harryyyyy!!" Niall shouted when I got in Liam's car. 

"Hey, mate. How've you been?" 

"Good! Writing songs like crazy! How is my little princess?"

"Niall, you know Harry hates being called a princess!" Zayn joked from where he was sitting in the front seat.

Niall rolled his eyes, "Ha. Ha. Ha. I meant Kristina, you twat."

I smiled at the thought of my little girl, "she's great. Growing up so fast, it's insane."

"We're still on for breakfast, Tuesday, right? I want to see my beautiful god child."

I chuckled, "Of course. Krissy would throw a fit if I kept her away from her uncle Niall one more week." 

"Damn right she would. I'm her favorite person. Likes me more than you I'd say."

"heeeey!" I whined with a pout.

The rest of the ride to the club was filled with usual banter. I loved how easy it was to fall right back into place with the boys as if it hadn't been at least a month since we last hung out as a group. I suddenly wondered if it would be as easy for Louis to jump back in with the other guys now that he's back in town. Probably not, since they didn't leave off on the best terms with him either....but you never know. They weren't the ones who had their hearts smashed into a trillion pieces.

"Come on, boys. Let's get drunk!" Liam yelled as we pulled up to a club, but I was still trapped inside my own head.

\------------------------------------------------

I was really lucky that the boys and I all stayed so close after the band fell apart...well besides Louis. The other guys hadn't talked to Louis just about as long as I had. Louis kind of just ran away and cut himself off from us. Him breaking up with me really started the downfall of the whole group. I don't think any of us were ready for the band to end, but things happened. Such as me getting a girl pregnant. 

After Louis broke my heart, he started staying away from me and the other boys, keeping to himself and only interacting with us on stage. I fell into what would most likely be considered an overly depressed state. I didn't want to eat or do anything productive. 

It was New Year's Eve, almost a month since Louis had broken up with me, when I saw a picture of Louis and Eleanor kissing and looking more in love than ever. I lost it and needed to do something to take him off my mind. I went to some random club and for some unknown reason, took a girl to bed. I don't even like girls, I mean I can appreciate the sex with a girl, but I could never see myself settle down with one. I knew I would get in trouble for pulling a guy with so many people around and I just needed to do something. I didn't even know the girls name, didn't want to know it. I ended up waking up to an empty bed and a new number in my phone. 

Four weeks later I got a call that changed my life. The girl was pregnant with my child. At first I had thought it was a joke and she just wanted to latch onto my fame and money. Then it all became too real. She moved in with me during the pregnancy. We wore rings to make it look like we had a private wedding to the public, but we never did. Fans felt betrayed, that I had hid having a girlfriend from them...when in reality I knew as much about her as they did. I felt trapped once again. I didn't want to love her, my heart already belonged to Louis.


	4. Chapter 4

I let the guy's lips trail over my neck, sucking roughly, surely leaving bruises. I rolled my head back more, giving the guy more space to trail his lips to. We continued to grind against each other on the dance floor of the club, my hands squeezing his hips.

I could just see the headline of the next days paper, "Is Ex Boy Band Member, Harry Styles, Gay?? Seen at club with mysterious guy!" But in that moment and time, I just wanted to be me and to feel something good for once. I hadn't had sex with a guy since Louis, and that was three years ago. I mean sure, I'd had sex, but only with Mia. The sex was never good enough, I only did it with her so I wouldn't be so frustrated all the time and having to rely on my own hands, as horrible as that sounds. I thought Mia and I were going to be together forever just to make sure Kristina was raised properly. It didn't take long though, before Mia left me. She claimed she wanted real love and not some fake relationship. I knew she was right, but I hated her for leaving Kristina. 

So for the moment in the club, when the guy was grinding all over me, I just let go. Well, that was until Liam kindly ripped the guy off of me and dragged me to the table the other lads were at. 

"H, what the hell was that?" I shrugged and took a shot off the table. I reached for another shot but Niall pulled it away.

"I think you've had enough." 

I shook my head, "No, No. Niall I need more. I can still-my mind is still running. I can't stop thinking about him. I don't want to, please." I felt a tear slip and Zayn sighed, pulling me into his arms. 

"Four years is a long time, Haz. Maybe it's time to let go..." 

"F-four years? No it's- no. You pricks! You took me out because you-you-"

"We just didn't want you to have your yearly melt down alone." Niall spoke softly, hardly understandable over the loud booming music.

"Has it really been four years since he broke up with me?"

Liam gave a sad smile, "It's December 2nd, Harry."

\---------------------------------------------------

I woke up with a huge headache and a stale taste in my mouth. I took notice that I wasn't in the comfort of my own bed and made my way into Liam's kitchen. 

"Morning, Harry." Zayn greeted, cooking bacon while Liam made tea and Niall sat on the counter swinging his legs back and forth, all too awake for the early morning.

I took a seat on a bar stool and gave a small hum as a reply. 

"How are you feeling?"

"Headache..."

"I meant about, uh, it being four years." 

"Oh."

Niall gave a small chuckle, "You were so drunk last night. You kept saying you saw Louis!"

"I did see Louis."

"Are you still drunk?" 

"No. I saw Louis. He came to my house." Zayn and Liam turned to me with wide eyes.

Niall burst out laughing, "As if! You sure you weren't high?" 

I rolled my eyes, "I don't do drugs, Ni. Plus, Krissy was home. Ask her if you don't believe me."

"Who the hell does he think he is showing up like that? What did he say?" Liam asked, coming over to take a seat next to me. 

"Said he wanted to explain why he broke up with me. Fed me a lot of bullshit and just broke me down even more. Said he broke up with me so I could come out. Management told him only one of us could. Louis thought it should be me apparently, so he left me to be with Eleanor. It's all so fucked up! Why the hell would I want to come out if I didn't have a reason to?! I only wanted to be out so I could show the world my love for Louis. He fucked it all up and comes back after four years?? He's a piece of shit, but for some reason, I still love him."


	5. Chapter 5

Of course Niall would lose my daughter in the grocery store. We had only been inside all of a minute before I got the call from Niall saying she got loose. I had sent him and Kristina to get half the things on the list while I did the other half. I thought it would be nice to grocery shop and not have a three year old constantly trying to throw junk food into the cart.

I frantically searched the large store for my little girl. After a couple minutes of calling her name and weaving down aisles, I got a call from Niall.

"Did you find her?!"

"Ya uh, I got her. Listen..why don't we meet up in aisle three and I will finish the shopping while you wait in the car." Before I could even get a word in, Niall hung up. I started walking towards where Niall said to meet, very confused.

"There you are! Don't you ever run off like that again! You had me worried sick! This is a big place, Krissy. You know better than to go off like that."

"I'm sorry, daddy."

"Harry, I really think you should wait in the car and let me finish the groceries. Just take Kristina and relax in the car."

"Why do I have to wait in the car?"

"I just-"

"You should probably put that little one on a leash." My heart rate escalated to an unhealthy rate as I turned to see Louis coming down the aisle.

"Don't really need you telling me how to raise my child."

"It was only a joke. I found her trying to reach for some cookies. She seemed very determined to reach the top shelf."

"Why are you even here?"

"You're not the only one who needs groceries."

I rolled my eyes, "I mean here in London." Kristina turned to hide her face in the crook of my neck, fisting my shirt in her small hands, scared that an argument was about to occur.

"I already told you why I'm back, Harry. I'm back for you."

"I'm not yours to have. So if you'll excuse me." I turned my head to kiss Kristina's cheek, "it's ok, baby girl. No one is yelling." Louis watched my interaction with my daughter, with a look I couldn't place...maybe longing.

Niall started pushing the cart and I followed, as we made our way to the exit, leaving the grocery shopping for a later time.

We got in the car, everyone buckled, and I sped off.

"He looks the same..." Niall spoke quietly, looking out the window.

I hummed in response.

"Can you play the Happy song?" Kristina asked, oblivious to the fact that Niall had just seen Louis for the first time in over 3 years.

"Not right now, love. The CD is at home."

She sighed and started humming "Happily" to herself. I smiled at her through the rear view mirror and she blushed when she saw I had caught her singing.

"You have a beautiful voice, baby girl."

She giggled and turned to hid her face against her car seat. She was so cute, it was hard to believe she was really mine.

"Gonna be big and famous like your dad!" Niall exclaimed, turning in his seat to give Kristina a huge grin.

"I want to be just like daddy."

\-------------------------------------------------

"Bath time, Krissy!"

She came into the kitchen where I was washing dishes from dinner and gave me a pout.

"But I don't wanna take a bath."

"You have to stay clean! Big girls stay nice and clean!"

"Big girls don't take baths!"

"Of course they do! Your mum is a big girl and she takes baths."

"Mummy takes showders. I wanna take a showder." My baby girl wants to take her first shower.

"Ok, love. A shower it is." I took her tiny hand in mine and brought her to the bathroom. It was too dangerous to let her take a shower alone, so I would have to take one with her. Also, I knew if I left her alone she would just stand under the water and consider the job done.

Once the water was warm enough I helped her out of her clothes and into the shower.

"daddy, can you use the pink shampoo this time?"

I got in the shower with her, "Just get your hair wet first."

Once her hair was all clean, I gave her a soft wash cloth and soap, "Want to try and clean your body?"

"Like a big girl?" I nodded and she smiled brightly, scrubbing her little body.

I helped her get her back and bum before I cleaned myself.

"How come I don't have a pee pee too?" She asked, eyes focused on my penis.

I laughed, head thrown back at the genuine curiosity and confusion on her face, "Just how it is, love. You're a girl so you don't have one."

Her nose scrunched up, and she looked down at her body, "Can I touch yours?"

I choked on air and heat rushed to my cheeks, "No, sweetie. It's a private part."

"oh...only you touch it? And only I touch my...my...what is my pee pee called?"

God this was awful. These are the times I wish I had Mia here with me. I guess she was getting curious at her age.

"Mine is a penis and yours is a vagina." I stated, not wanting to make up a more safe or clean word for her. If she was curious, then she would get her answers. It's what Mia and I had decided from the start. I was just hoping that I wouldn't be the one of us to get the dreaded, 'where do babies come from?' question.

"Why is your penvis so big?"

"I, uh, it, I. It's because I am older....why don't we finish up the shower and go read a story in bed."

"Penvis Penvis Penvis Penvis-"

"Kristina." I used a scolding tone, letting her know that it was not ok to keep repeating such a word. Even if she was pronouncing it wrong. She looked at me sheepishly, cheeks pink from me using a more demanding tone of voice.

I shut the water off and secured a towel around my waist. I helped Kristina into her favorite towel with a hood, that had ears to make her look like a little bear. I carried her into her room to help her into her pajamas.

She reached up and brushed her fingers through my curls like she loved, "are you cross with me?"

"Never, sweetheart." I kissed her cheek, "want to read Cinderella?"

"Yes please, daddy."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> for those select few who will think the shower part is perverted or weird, I'm just trying to fill chapters will realistic family life. Most young kids do start off showering with their parents. They are family. It's not weird.


	6. Chapter 6

"Breakfast is served, my princess." Kristina puckered her lips for a kiss as I set her heart shaped pancakes and fruit on the table for her. I pecked her lips and her head before going back to the kitchen to get her a sippy cup with orange juice.

"We gowwing foo ma pak?"

"Swallow first, please."

"we going to the park?"

"Not today. I have to work at the bakery today. You get to play with Uncle Liam, though."

She squealed in delight, bouncing in her seat, "Uncle Li can taked me!?"

"You can ask him, baby. Just make sure to bring a coat if you go out."

"I pomise."

Part of me wanted Kristina to stay little forever, be my little baby forever and always. Then the other part of me was beyond excited to watch her grow up and find herself. I wanted to tease her on her first crush, her first date, her first kiss. I wanted to have that close knit relationship with her where she can come to me for anything and trust me.

Kristina hoped down off her chair at the table and ran off upstairs to her room to change into the clothes I had laid out for her on the bed. I followed her up to her room to help her get dressed and ready for the day.

"Can you plait my hair?" I patted the bed, motioning for her to take a seat so I could put her hair in plaits.

Kristina started humming a tune to herself, "What are you singing, lovely?"

She shrugged, "I maded it up."

"You wrote your own song?"

"Uncle Ni said I have to wrote my songs if I wan to be like daddy."

I kissed her cheek and she giggled with a squeal, "Daddyyy!"

I faked shock and spun her around to fully face me, "Are you trying to deny my kisses??" I started kissing all over her face, trying not to smile like a loon.

"Daddy! Daddy! Daddy, stop!"

I held her face in my hands, "Why don't you want my kisses?" I asked with a pout, trying to work my charm.

"I do want kisses! I pretended!"

I gasped, "So you like my kisses?" She blushed and looked down, nodding her head.

I chuckled and playfully pinched her cheeks, "Alright, munchkin, time to go. Lets quickly brush your teeth."

\-----------------------------------------------------

Working at the bakery is such a stress reliever. I opened it just last year, and business was booming. I know it probably had to do with the fact that "Harry Styles from One Direction" owned it, but I liked to think the bakery was doing so well because of the quality of the pastries, drinks, and service.

I usually try to go in and bake and watch the shop at least twice a week. I would love to do more, but I had to wait until Kristina started up schooling. Which would be once the New Year starts in a few weeks. It was time for her to do her year of a reception class.

"Harry! Thank goodness you're here! It's been crazy this morning!" one of my employees, Lyndsee, frantically shouted.

"What's wrong?"

"We have three birthday parties to bake for today!"

"Three??"

"We may have overbooked, but you know how hard it is to turn people down!"

I nodded in understanding and grabbed my apron from by the back door and tied it around me.

"Alright well, give me the order details and let's get it finished. How's Meghan holding up in the front?"

Lyndsee handed me the order booklet and started back at frosting cupcakes with pink icing, "Good. Helped her out a bit around eight when the rush came in."

Once the first birthday party order of cupcakes was frosted and completely decorated, and the second order was in the over, I went out front to check on things.

"Hey, Meg. How're you holding up?"

Meghan smiled and gave me a quick hug from the side before giving a lady her change for her tea and scone.

"Lovely! Always busy!"

"Do you ever think business will die out?"

She shrugged, "Probably not."

"Why don't you go back and help Lyndsee box some cupcakes while I run things up front?"

I worked for an hour before things went drastically downhill.

The bell above the door rang as the next customer came in. I looked up with a huge grin, "Hello! Wel-" I stopped, smile falling. "What do you want, Louis?"

"I'll take a cup of tea and um, what do you recommened?"

"No, why are you here?"

"I was walking around and got hungry?"

"Then go home and make a sandwich."

"Do you treat all of your customers like this?"

I rolled my eyes, "Only assholes named Louis."

"Look, Harry. I just wanted to see you. I want to try and be civil. I hate not having you in my life and I'm not going to give up."

"I honestly just don't get why it took you so long to come back!"

"I was scared! I was terrified to come back when I knew you hated me!"

"I hate what you did! Not you! I've heard your side of things, Louis. I get now why you did everything you did. It was dumb as hell, but I understand. I'm just not interested in letting you back into my life. I don't even know you anymore. You don't even know me."

"How can you say I don't know you?...How-how can you...I KNOW you, Harry. I know everything about you better than anyone."

"You've missed four years of being in my life, Louis. I raise a little girl, I own a bakery....I'"

"Those things don't change who YOU are, Harry. You didn't suddenly change personalities or anything. Please Harry...just give me a chance. I swear on my life I'm not going anywhere this time."

"Fine! But I'm going to have rules."

"Of course! Anything!"

"We have to have the other boys with us when we hang out at first. I want the other boys around so there isn't any pressure on me to actually talk to you."

"O-ok. Yes, ok."

"I guess the only other thing is that you most definitely cannot be around my daughter." A flash of hurt crossed Louis' face but he nodded to show he would follow the rule. I just didn't want my little girl to get attached to Louis when I didn't trust that he was going to actually stay.


	7. Chapter 7

"I can't believe I'm seeing Louis after so long. This is nuts!"

Niall had a smile on his face the whole day leading up to lads night. Currently we were at Nando's picking up food for everyone. Luckily Gemma was available to watch Kristina on a Saturday night so I could hang out with the boys. It was going to be really weird to have all five of us in one room again.

"Ya...nuts."

Niall gave a sympathetic look and squeezed my shoulder, "It will be fine, Haz. We're all going to have a great time."

"You don't know that, Ni."

"We all used to be the best of friends! How could it not just fall back into place?"

"Maybe because it all ended so badly?"

"I know, I know that. I just...I miss him. I've been thinking about this day since we all ended."

I nodded in understanding, taking our to-go order that was now ready. We walked out each with two bags to carry. Niall drove us back to his flat and the nerves set to overdrive.

We got in the flat and laid the food and drinks out on the bar, everything in place by the first knock on the door.

"Jesus..." I exhaled a big sigh, knuckles turning white, holding onto the countertop in Niall's kitchen tightly.

"Niall, learn to lock your fucking door!" Zayn shouted, letting himself in. "Hey, H. I brought some cupcakes that Perrie baked. Said I had to bring them over so she wouldn't end up eating them all."

"Thanks, mate." I mumbled, distractedly taking them from him and placing them on the bar.

"Feeling ok?"

I rolled my eyes, "Fabulous. Just about to hang out with my Ex who I happen to still love. I'm fine."

"You have me and the guys. If you don't want to talk to him then don't. If you don't want to sit by him, then don't. Just do what you have to do to get through the night."

"Right, ok. If I don't feel comfortable, would it be ok if I left?"

"Of course, Harry! Don't feel pressured to stay at all. It's going to be weird as hell to have us all together."

"It really is..."

\---------------------------

All four of us sat around in tight tension, awaiting Louis' arrival. We had the TV going but none of us were actually watching it. Our minds were racing, wondering how this night was going to play out.

There was a knock at the door and Niall scrambled up out of his spot on the sofa to the door. The other guys stood up as well, but I stayed put. Niall hesitated before opening the door.

"Niall..."

"Hi, Louis. Come in..."

"Thanks for having me."

Niall nodded and smiled, "Ya, ya. Thought the grocery store run in was probably not the way we planned to see each other again."

Louis chuckled, "not exactly." He looked away from Niall and finally acknowledged Zayn and Liam. He mumbled a few curse words under his breath, shaking his head in disbelief.

"Hey Zayn. Hey Liam." A tear or two fell from Louis' eyes. I rolled my eyes. How dare he cry over this. He doesn't deserve to cry. He is the one who ruined everything, he's the one that walked away.

"I don't even know what to say." Liam stated, not making a move to hug Louis quite yet.

"I don't either if I'm honest. Sorry would probably be a good start on my end."

"Sorry won't exactly fix anything." Zayn said, leaning against the living room wall.

"I know that, Zayn. I know. I just don't know what else to do."

"Why'd you leave us?"

Louis let out a harsh exhale, running a hand down his face, "Jesus, shit. Getting right down into, aren't we?"

"I don't think I can just hang out here with you and act like nothing happened. So, yes, we are getting right into it."

"Well, I didn't leave you. I left Harry."

"No, you broke up with Harry. You left all of us."

Louis sighed, "I didn't mean for everything to end like it did. I'm sure Harry's told you by now why I broke up with him. I just wanted him to be out and happy. Things got too hard though because every time I was near him, I just wanted to hold him and take it all back and kiss him and never let go. I pushed myself away from him so that way it wouldn't hurt as much being near him....which resulted in me being away from you all as well. I never wanted the band to end, that went against my plan. What was the point of me and Harry ending things if the band was over? Management would have no say in our relationship. So don't think for a second that that's what I wanted. I just wanted Harry to be happy. I understand I did it all wrong. I understand I messed up big time. I just thought management would have presented Harry with the opportunity fast, apparently he didn't even know about it."

Liam cried out, "this is all so stupid! I just wish things had ended on our own terms."

"I forgive you, Louis." Everyone turned to look at Niall.

"W-what?"

"I forgive you for what you did. For pushing us away. You're back now so that's all that matters. You didn't mean to spiral events that left the band in pieces."

"I forgive you too." Liam spoke softly, tears still slipping down.

"Thank you. Thank you. I've missed you guys so much. I just want you all back in my life."

"I uh, I don't know if I forgive you."

"That's fine, Zayn. I didn't expect you all to just let me off the hook."

"I see your side of things, Lou, but you were such a shit person to Harry. You broke up with him out of nowhere to be with your beard? Even if it wasn't exactly what you wanted, it was still a shit move. Not only did you break up with him for no damn reason as far as he could see, you started ignoring him. He was a mess, Louis. I was so sure he was going to hurt himself. I was scared to leave him alone because I was worried I wouldn't see him again. Do you know how awful that is?!"

"Harry? Please tell me it wasn't that bad..."

All the attention turned to me and I burst into tears as all the memories and horrible feelings from all those years ago rushed back. Louis rushed over sat beside me on the couch, taking my hands in his.

"You didn't hurt yourself did you?"

I closed my eyes to try and hold in the tears, but when I went to open my mouth to speak it came out a bubbling mess of sobs.

"Where, H? Can you tell me?"

"J-just *hiccup* just my-my t-thighs. One..one time. I wanted to *hiccup* do m-more. Wanted to end it-it all."

Louis let his own tears shed from his eyes, "no. No, Harry. Please tell me it's not true."

"Of course it's damn true! You left him in pieces!" Zayn shouted.

"I'm so sorry, Harry. I'm so so sorry. I'm so sorry I did this to you. You never deserved it."

"You thought you were going to make me happy but you made me the most miserable person ever."

Louis sniffled and wiped his tears, "I know, baby."

I tensed at the pet name. Louis caught on to what he had said and immediately apologized. I simply nodded in reply.

"I'm very grateful you didn't end your life, Harry. But what made you stop? What made you reconsider?"

"Kristina..... I, um. Mia called to say she was pregnant and I knew I had to be there for my child. She had to be my reason to keep moving forward."


	8. Chapter 8

Louis had cried, I cried, everyone cried. Then we all pulled ourselves together and tried to get the life back in the room. The night went well, Louis and I didn't talk much, only when necessary, and it was all ok. It felt nice having all the lads in the same room, even if the tension was still thick. Niall kept us all from falling apart, keeping us smiling and civil.

Now I was quietly letting myself in my home, being careful not to wake Kristina and Gemma.

I tiptoed up the stairs and changed into comfy clothes, washed my face, before checking in on Kristina. I pulled up the covers that she had kicked off in her sleep and kissed her forehead.

"Daddy?" My little princess whispered in a sleepy voice.

"Ya, baby, it's me. Go back to sleep, lovely."

She hummed and snuggled in deeper to her pillow. I smiled fondly, wanting to jump under the covers with her and hold her close all night. I reluctantly left the room, cracking the door, and heading off to my own room.

\---------------------------------

"Daddy! Daddy! Daddy!"

I groaned, pulling the blanket over my head, only to have it ripped off.

"Daddy! No more sleep!"

I knew that there wasn't any way I could get even a few more minutes of sleep, so I stretched my limbs, blinking my eyes open to the harsh light.

Kristina crawled on to my stomach and smiled wide with tired eyes.

"Why are you up so early, bug?"

" 'M hungry."

"Is aunty Gem awake?"

Krissy shook her head 'no'.

"Why don't we go down and cuddle while we wait for her to wake up. We can watch some cartoons."

"But I hungry, daddy."

"I'll get you some fruit, sweetie. You can have more food when aunty Gemma wakes up."

"Otay...."

"Let's go, little munchkin."

"Otay, big munchfin!" I let out a loud cackle, throwing my head back against the pillows. Krissy giggled in delight for making her daddy smile, having no clue what was actually so funny.

"Piggy backed ride?"

"Hop on up!" I stood by the end of the bed and helped Kristina climb up on my back to carry her downstairs. Her little hands played with my curls as I held her tightly.

After two episodes of Peppa Pig, Gemma came downstairs.

"Morning, princess!"

"Good morning!" I smiled, fluttering my eyelashes. Gemma rolled her eyes and sat on the couch, Kristina clambering her way off my lap to sit on Gemma's.

"Morning Aunty Gem! Now daddy can makes the breaky!"

"What's on the menu for today then?"

Kristina turned to give me the puppy dog face, "panned cakes, daddy? Wif da cream?"

I sighed dramatically, "I guess you've been good enough for pancakes with whipped cream. Might as well add some chocolate chips, huh?"

Kristina giggled into Gemma's neck.

"Is that ok with you, Gemma?"

"Course it is. Would never turn down food from you!"

Usually I would make Kristina find another activity to do, only allowing an hour of TV at a time. But since Gemma was over, they looked like they could use a good girl cuddle, so I left them to it while I went to cook.


	9. Chapter 9

The bells jingled above the bakery door as I scrubbed down the countertops. We were supposed to be closed but I guess I had forgotten to lock the door.

"Oh, sorry we're cl- oh...Louis."

"Hey, Harry. Sorry, I know you're closed but I'm heading to Niall's and wanted to pick something up for a treat."

"You're hanging out with Niall?"

Louis smiled at the ground, "ya, can you believe it? It's amazing to have a friend again."

I nodded, slightly put off that they were hanging out behind my back. Not that I wanted to be invited. Not that it was even really behind my back. I don't even want to be friends with Louis again so it shouldn't even matter but for some reason it did.

"So...is there anything left or did you throw it out already?"

"You know I don't throw out food."

"Ok well did you give it to the homeless yet?"

"I packed it in boxes but you can take the one on top. It has most of your favorites in it."

Louis smiled so wide it looked painful, "my favorites?"

I rolled my eyes, "I didn't pack it for you."

"No, I know. I just like that you still know my favorite sweets."

I ignored his comment and went in the back to grab the box. I handed it to him and went back to cleaning.

"How much do I owe you?"

I waved my hand, brushing him off, "just take it."

"I can't just take all this!"

"I was going to give it away anyways? Just take it. Tell Niall I said hi!"

"Thanks, Harry. I will." It fell silent, Louis still not having left through the door. 

"Do you want any help closing up? Get you out of here faster."

"You don't have to do that. I bet Niall's bouncing in his seat waiting for you."

"I've got some time."

"Ok?....I guess you could sweep or something."

"Perfect! Show me to the supplies!"

I brought Louis into the back and showed him to the supply closet. I handed him the broom and dustpan.

"I can't believe you're actually asking to clean."

He faked a scoff, "I love cleaning!"

I rolled my eyes, a small smile crossing my face, "where was that enthusiasm back when we shared a house?"

Louis' mood seemed to take a shift at the mention of our past together. We cleaned in silence.

"You're already breaking my first rule." I said after 15 minutes of cleaning.

"Did you really think that was going to last?"

I shrugged. Rule 1: louis and I can only hang out if the other boys are around. How did I ever think that would last longer than it took to say?

"Did you..do you want to come hang out with me and Niall? We were just going to eat and work on some songs."

Niall was constantly writing music to give to other artists, so it was no surprise that Louis jumped right in with him.

"I don't write music anymore."

Louis scrunched up his nose, "What do you mean you don't write music anymore?"

"I mean, I don't write music anymore. Exactly what I said."

Louis shook his head, "why would you stop doing something you are gifted at?"

I felt my cheeks heat up involuntarily at his compliment, "I write sometimes but I never share it."

"But why not?"

"I just don't have the same drive I had before. When I write, I get reminded of the band and everything we had. I don't like remembering how it ended. So I don't write."

"I really did fuck up your life, didn't I?" Louis chuckled bitterly, scuffing his shoe against the ground.

I didn't reply, just pressed a little harder down as I scrubbed the counter. 

"You should really come."

"I told you I don't-"

"I know, you 'don't write anymore'," louis rolled his eyes, "but that's such garbage, H. You are so immensely talented."

"Don't push it, Louis. I don't write anymore. I don't like how it makes me feel."

"Maybe you just need to keep trying! Maybe it will be easier this time."

"MAYBE YOU SHOULD STOP TRYING TO FIX OUR PAST!" I shouted, slamming my hand down on the counter, making Louis jump. 

"I just...I want...i just..." a tear slipped down Louis' cheek. 

I sighed, "You can't force me to do something I don't want to do. I don't write anymore and i'm certainly not changing that for you."

Flashback:

"You know that corner of your mind, where you store memories. You box 'm up with pretty bows and love you notes, and save them for eternity."

Silent tears fell down my cheeks, only one line into the new song I was working on, "And every time you're overcome with sadness from a breakup song. Just pull it down and tug the bow, and feel the memories spilling out..."

I went to take in a deep breath to continue singing, when I suddenly felt like I completely lost the ability to breathe at all. In a panic I threw my guitar down and stood up, trying to take control of my body. 

"No no no no no..." I cried, trying to fight my body practically shutting down. 

After a few minutes, I was able to finally take a few deep, but shaky breaths. 

"Fuck..." I mumbled, resting on the bed, brushing the remaining tears off of my face. I hadn't written a song in a few months and thought maybe it would be a good way to get all of my pent up emotion out. I felt like I had so much anger and sadness inside of me that it was starting to consume me whole. Writing used to bring me such joy, but now it only hurts me more. The only thing bringing any joy to my life at the moment, was knowing that in a few short months, I would have my first baby girl. 

 

\--------------------------------------

"Kristina Anne Styles! Get in here right now!" I shouted, fuming with anger.

Kristina came in the living room, marker smudges on her face, hands, arms, and clothes.

"What is this?!" I gestured to the drawings all over the cream colored living room wall. "You know you aren't allowed to use markers without me knowing, and you know for a fact that you are not allowed to draw on walls."

Her lip quivered. I knew she was about to cry, but I had to stay strong and not coddle her.

"This is a big no no."

She cried at hearing she did a 'no no', "b-but uncle Zee has drawfings on his!"

"That's very very different, Kristina. I thought you were a big girl and knew better than to draw on walls."

"I ams a big girl!!"

"Then why did you draw on the wall, bug?"

"You were talked on the phone and I needed papers!"

"Then you wait for me to finish on the phone and then ask me for paper. You do not draw on walls."

"Did I get trouble?" She asked, voice so small.

I nodded, "no TV and no dessert all week."

Her crying grew harder at the sound of her punishment. I knew I wouldn't last holding the punishment out for a week but with her lack of knowledge on time, she wouldn't know the difference. So my punishment still sounded very scary to her little ears.

It took everything in me not to scoop her up in my arms and hold her till she stopped crying. "I want an apology, Kristina."

"I'm sorry, daddy. I won't drawded on the walls ever again!"

"You promise?"

She nodded her head, a dramatic look of seriousness on her face, "promise!"


	10. Chapter 10

"La la la laaaa la la laaaa...Okay, Daddy, now your Barbie claps cause I singed."

"Woo! Yeah! Beautiful!" I cheer in a high pitch tone to try and sound as Barbie-like as possible. 

Kristina makes her Barbie doll bow before she runs off to grab the Barbie convertible, "Okay, daddy, now our dolls have to go on vacation to Califordya." We load up the car with as many Barbies that will fit and pretend to drive all around..and even fly at one point. We have been playing with her Barbies for the past thirty minutes and it is honestly exhausting. Kristina has a wild imagination and ideas that change faster than you can blink, so it's hard to keep up sometimes. 

Just as I was about to get my Barbie doll out of her car, per Kristina's request, someone rang the doorbell. 

Kristina threw her dolls down, running to the door in a hurry. After last time with her flinging the door open to Louis, I added a swing bar lock higher up on the door so she wouldn't be able to open it with out me. 

"Daddyyyy, the door is broked! It won't open!"

I chuckled, "It's not broken, sweetie. There is just another lock on the door now."

"Why?" She looked at me with curious eyes.

"Because, baby. I can't have you opening the door to strangers anymore."

She looked at the ground sheepishly, "Sorry.."

"It's alright. We just can't have it happen again."

The door bell rang a second time. I looked through the peephole, only to be met with darkness. 

"Um...Who is it?"

"Open the bloody door already, H. I'm freezin out here in the cold."

Rolling my eyes, I opened the door, "Niall, how many times doI have to tell you? You can't put your face up to the peephole and try to look through from the outside."

"Ya, ya," He replied, waving me off and stepping into my home. "I hope you don't mind me dropping by. I have some music I need to show you."

"Uncle Niall! Come play Barbies with me and daddy! You can be the one in the purple dress again."

Niall scooped Krissy up in his arms, kissing all over her face, making her sequel in delight. 

"I would love to play, munchkin, but I have some important music to show your dad first."

"Why don't you go play for a while. Uncle Niall and I will be in shortly."

"Okay, daddy." She wiggled in Niall's arms so he would know to put her down, and she immediately took off back to the living room. 

"Ok, so don't kill me but you really need to hear this. This shit is amazing," Niall said as he walked off toward my music studio room I hadn't stepped foot in for ages. I hesitated to step inside.

"You ok, mate?"

"Y-yeah, yeah. Of course, yeah, sorry." I stepped inside and took a seat on one of the stools as Niall got the CD ready that he brought over.

"So why am I going to kill you?"

"Louis wrote it. Don't run away now."

I rolled my eyes, "I'm not running."

"just listennnn.."

A lovely piano tune flooded out of the speakers before Louis' voice filled my ears, immediately making my knees feel weak. 

_From the way you smile to the way you look_

_You capture me unlike no other_

_From the first hello, yeah, that's all it took_

_And suddenly we had each other_

_And I won't leave you_

_Always be true_

_One plus one, two for life_

_Over and over again_

Niall looked over at me, obviously waiting for a reaction of some sort...but as the chorus came and went as did the second verse, I felt frozen. It was so so beautiful, but hit too close to home. When the chorus kicked back in again, silent tears slipped down my face.

_So, don't ever think I need more_

_I've got the one to live for_

_No one else will do, yeah, I'm telling you_

_Just put your heart in my hands_

_I promise it won't get broken_

_We'll never forget this moment_

_Yeah, we'll stay brand-new 'cause I'll love you_

_Over and over again_

_Over and over again_

Niall moved closer to me, pulling me into his arms. 

_Boy, when I'm with you I lose track of time_

_When I'm without you you're stuck on my mind_

_Be all you need till the day that I die_

_I'll love you_

_Over and over again_

"Stop. stop stop stop."

"It's almost the end, H."

I cried as the song carried on to an end. 

"Haz...I didn't mean to make you cry. I just, I really wanted you to hear it. Louis really wanted you to hear it."

I nodded with a soft smile, cheeks wet and red, "I know, Ni. Can't help it."

"So, um, what do you think?"

"I think it's beautiful."

"He wants you to have it."

"What do you mean?"

"He wants you to record it with your voice."

"But why? It's his song. I'm assuming it's about me, yeah?"

Niall nodded in confirmation, "Yeah but he wants you to have it, H. He wants you to get back into music. To feel the music again, to feel a connection. We ALL do. I know you must miss it. You can't even try to deny that."

"Doesn't matter if I miss it. I don't like making myself feel sad."

"God dammit, Harry. Maybe you will feel sad at first but its been years since you've truly sang. If you just stick to it long enough, the sadness will leave and you'll remember how you used to feel when you performed. How happy it made you."

I sat in silence. It was the first time one of the boys every really brought this up. It was the first time someone pushed me to get back into my music. 

"Listen, I can't make decisions for you, but just think about how happy you used to be. Why should you have to give all of that up and give into the sadness? Man up and power through this before you are old and grey and full of regret."

"Maybe you're right..."

"I know I'm fucking right," Niall muttered making laughter bubble past my lips.


	11. Chapter 11

I slapped Niall's hand away from my plate of chips, "Heeeey! Eat your own!"

"But I'm running out!"

"Well if you keep eating mine then I'll run out."

"Can I just have one more?" Niall pouted and I rolled my eyes, pushing the plate closer to him, giving up.

"Here, H. You can have mine." Louis said, giving me the rest of his chips.

"Are you sure?"

Louis gave a small smile and a nod. I quickly put some chips in my mouth to try and fight the grin. Louis and I were hanging out a lot more, with the other lads around of course. I could definitely see us becoming regular friends again, but I sure wasn't going to admit that to him. I planned on just letting it all happen with time. We wouldn't be those super close friends where you can trust and tell each other anything. 

Hanging out was made a tad bit more awkward due to the fact that I never brought up the song he wrote. I know Niall must have told him about my reaction when he had played it for me, but I didn't really want to acknowledge that quite yet. I wasn't ready.

A chip hit my face, the boys erupting in laughter. I groaned, wiping away the ketchup left on my face.

"What was that for??"

"You were spaced out, mate." Zayn said once the laughter died down.

I tried to come up with a response but my phone interrupted me. Mia's home phone number popped up on screen.

"Hold on, it's Mia......Hello?"

"D-daddy? *sniffle*"

"Krissy? What's wrong, baby girl?"

"*sobs* I -I-"

"Sweetie, try to take a deep breath for me. I need to be able to understand you, baby."

"I want to come home, daddy! *sobs* pwease!"

"Oh, love.....you have to spend time with your mummy. You see me all the time, your mum missed you so so much."

"But I-I I miss you!"

"I love you, baby, but you have to stay the rest of your weekend. It's only one more sleep and then you will see me."

"But daddy *hiccup* I need you! I misses you!"

"I miss you too, Krissy. I really really do, but you have to stay with mummy. Just one more sleep, bug. You can do it, you're such a big girl!"

"I don't wanna be a big girl!"

Her crying and want for me was making me tear up. She never gets homesick like this, so it was hard to find the right thing to say and do.

I brushed away a tear that managed to slip down my cheek, "I need you to be a big girl for me and go have fun with mummy. I can't come all the way to get you, bug. Why don't you put mummy on the phone so I can talk to her."

"I don't want to stop hearing your talk."

I sighed, fighting the tears. It always hurt to send her away for her weekends with Mia and this just made it all feel ten times worse. It felt ridiculous to miss someone so much when they are only gone three days, but this is my little girl we are talking about.

"I promise I will call you tonight before bed, baby. Please give the phone to mum."

"I love you, daddy..."

"Love you too! So so so much!"

She giggled through the tears as she told Mia I wanted to talk to her.

"Harry?"

"Hey, Mia."

"I don't understand why she's so upset. Said she had to talk to you right away."

"She just misses home. She will be fine though, it's only one more night."

"Are you sure? Should I bring her back home?"

"No no no, Mia don't. She needs her time with you. You hardly ever see her. Just give her a bath, make sure you let her play with her mermaid dolls. Then bake some cookies and watch a Disney movie. She will be out before you can get halfway through it."

"I know how to raise a ch-"

"I wasn't saying you didn't. That's just what she likes to do when she's upset. I'm only trying to help."

It was quiet for a bit. I knew Mia was feeling left out of Krissy's life.

"Thanks, Harry. I'll talk to you later."

"Bye, Mia. Text me when you're done baking so I can call before she sleeps."

"I will."

"Thank you. Talk to you soon."

The line went dead and all the lads were having a conversation about a new movie they want to see. All except Louis. He was looking at me with an expression I could place.

I blushed under the attention, "w-what?"

"You're a great dad."

"You listened to all of that?"

"Sorry... I just. You're so good with her."

"Thank you, Louis." I watched as Louis bit his lip and looked away. A sign I knew all too well, he was trying not to cry. Which I had no clue why.

"Lou? Are you, uh, ok?"

He nodded with a watery eyed smile.

"Louis..."

"Sorry, sorry. It's stupid, really."

"I'm sure it's not stupid. If it is making you upset then it can't be stupid."

"I just wish I truly knew how good of a father you are. I see little pieces but I don't see it all, you know? You and I were supposed to have kids and the whole shebang. I wish I could have that with you, I guess."

That got to me and I couldn't bare to hear anymore. I pushed my chair back and left the table in a rush to leave the restaurant.

\--------------------------  
There was a knock at my door but I ignored it, like I had been ignoring the phone calls and constant texts all night as well.

"Come on, Haz. I know you're home!" Niall shouted, banging on the front door.

"Go away!"

"Stop acting like a fucking pussy and open the door!"

Sighing, I got up off of my couch to let Niall inside.

"Can I help you?"

Niall scoffed, "You could tell me why the hell you ran out today? Tell me why you're suddenly ignoring all of us?"

"I'm not ignoring you. I'm talking to you right now, aren't I?"

"Harry..."

"Fine, fine! It was just something Louis said today and I just needed to be alone."

"What'd he say? I'll punch him for you. Don't think I won't!"

I laughed, shaking my head, "No need for violence. He didn't mean to upset me. He just brought up a touchy subject. I'll be fine."

"Was it about El?"

"No, it was about Krissy. It's fine though, I overreacted."

"Ok, I just want you to have someone to talk to. I don't want you to get bad again now that he's back. I want you to keep moving forward, Haz. I would hate to watch you fall back into the dark place you were at for so long."

"That won't happen, Ni. I won't ever let that happen again. I have a child that I have to stay strong for. I hate what Louis did to me, but I've missed him so much. I have to keep my head up and not let certain things get to me."

"I love you, Harry. You're so strong."

"Love you too, Ni. Thank you, that means a lot."

"Of course! Listen, I've-"

My phone went off again, Louis' name popping up on the caller ID.

"It's Louis..."

"You should take that. I'm going to head out. I've got a Skype date with the family!"

"Right, tell them I say hi!"

"I will! Make sure to answer that call!" Niall shouted as he let himself out.

I looked down at my phone, knowing I only had a split second to make the decision of answering or not.

"H-hello?"

"Finally! Jesus, Harry, I've been worried sick!"

"Sorry."

Louis sighed, "It's ok. You had every right to run off. I'm so sorry for bringing up what I did. I didn't mean to hurt you."

"It's ok, really. I overreacted."

"You didn't overreact. If anything, you didn't react enough! You should be yelling at me right now."

"I don't want to fight with you, Louis. If we want to ever be friends again, then we have to push forward."

"If you're sure that's what you want."

"I'm sure."

"Ok, then I guess I'll be seeing you Tuesday night with the lads? To see Ed play?"

"Actually you won't be seeing me there. Krissy has a ballet recital."

"Oh...you could come after?"

"Nah, we have a tradition where we get ice cream after then cuddle in bed. It's one of my favorite times with her. Wouldn't give that up for anything."

I could practically hear Louis' smile through the phone, "sounds like a perfect night. Wish her good luck for me?"

"Y-ya. Ya I can do that."

"Great. I guess I'll see you soon?"

"Sure.


	12. Chapter 12

"Daddy! Daddy! Daddy!"

"What? What? What?"

Kristina giggled and jumped up and down, "my retital is tonight!"

"Recital, sweetie. And I know! I'm so excited to see you perform! I'm almost positive you are going to be the best one on stage."

"I just wants the ice cream."

I barked out a laugh, "that's all you're excited for!?"

She nodded enthusiastically. I ran over and scooped her up in my arms, "and what if I said we couldn't go for ice cream after?"

Kristina's eyes welled up with tears, "w-what?"

"I just don't feel like ice cream tonight."

"B-b-but. Daddy, daddy I want ice cweam." She started crying softly making me coo.

"Aww, baby girl I was only kidding."

She sniffled, rubbing at her eyes, "I still get my ice cweam?"

I kissed her red cheeks before pecking her little pink lips, "any flavor you want!" She cheered in excitement as if I normally choose her flavors for her and this was such a treat.

\-----------------------------------

"Harry! Harry! Hey, Harry!" I spun around to see Niall running full speed through the busy backstage area.

"Uncle Ni!!" Kristina ripped herself from my arms and ran to Niall. He picked her up and spun her around.

"Look how beautiful you look!" Krissy blushed and poked Niall's cheek.

"What are you doing here? How'd you even get backstage?" I questioned Niall.

He rolled his eyes, "Not exactly hard to get in places when you're famous, H. But Liam and Zayn are out saving spots in the front row!"

"You didn't have to come. I thought you and the lads were going to Ed's show?"

Niall waved his hand to brush the question away, "ya but that's later. Louis planned it so he will be here right on time to pick us up with our dinner so we can eat on the way there and not be late."

"Louis? He planned this?"

"Ya, said he didn't want you here alone or sometin. Wanted this little monkey to have all the support she could!" He tickled Kristina making her giggle like mad.

I would have smiled at the cute interaction but I was stuck on the thought that Louis was behind everything. He didn't want me to share the moment alone tonight.

"Why didn't Louis come himself?"

Niall sighed, setting Krissy on her feet, "You know why, Harry. He didn't want to overstep his boundaries. You made some rule that he can't be near your child and he's trying to respect that, no matter how much it hurts him."

"How on earth does that hurt him? I'm very grateful that he asked you all to come here with me, but why would he be hurt by the fact he isn't exactly allowed?"

"He wants Kristina to know him. He wants to be apart of your life again, H. I know you hate hearing this, but Louis does love you. He always wanted kids with you, and by you saying he can't be near your own child, it just hurts him a little. He'll be ok though. I think he's just happy enough to be able to talk to you again."

"Lay it on thick there, Ni."

Niall chuckled and shrugged his shoulders, "just being honest. I do agree with your rule though, just so you know. I support you in everything."

"Thanks, mate."

"Just maybe don't make it a permanent rule?"

"No, I know. I just want to make sure he's a sure thing in my life again before I let him completely in. I don't want him leaving Kristina after she gets attached."

"Then I'm still 100 percent on board with you."

\----------------------------

"Hello?"

"Thank you." I replied as soon as Louis picked up the phone the next morning.

It was silent for a moment before I heard the sheets rustle on his end of the line, "You don't have to thank me."

"I do, though. You knew I wanted people there to share the moment with and still respected me enough to not show up. Although, I don't know if that's a good thing or bad thing."

"How would it be bad?"

"Maybe you didn't show up and try to force yourself into my life again because you know you won't be here long."

Louis sighed, "that's not true, Harry. I know I left you before, but I swear I'm not leaving again."

"What if I don't ever believe you?" I whispered through the phone, lost in my mind.

"I'm not leaving and I'm not giving up on you. I love you."

"Please don't say that..."

"What? The truth? Jesus, Harry, I explained everything! I just don't understand how you could think I ever felt anything but love for you."

"I don't want to argue."

"I'm sorry....I'm just frustrated. Mainly with myself."

"I have to go."

"No, Harr-"

"Bye, Louis." I hung up before Louis could get another breath in.

I fell back on my bed with a great sigh.

"Fuck." I swore, trying not to get choked up. It hurt so much knowing Louis still loved me. It was all messing with my head and I didn't know what to do anymore. It seemed so simple: He loves me, I love him, let's just be together. But it's so much more than that! I needed to trust him again and not just let myself dive right in.


	13. Chapter 13

Kristina absolutely loves One Direction music. It can sometimes feel weird to play the CDs in the car or around the house, but seeing her face light up makes it all worth it.

Best Song Ever was blasting through the speakers in the living room as we danced around in our pajamas in the morning. Kristina was running around and shaking her little bum, singing along and having a blast.

"Daddy, spin!" I took her hand and spun her around in a circle.

She laughed, "watch me dance!!"

She moved spastically, making me throw my head back with laughter. Her eyes crinkled on the sides from smiling so hard at the attention she was getting. I wanted to take the moment and put it in a bottle to store the memory forever. In the moment, life felt beautiful. Life was feeling just about perfect.

The doorbell rang and I went to the door. "Hey, Gem."

"Morning! Jesus, I can hear your music down the street." She teased as she came inside, making me blush.

"Sorry, Krissy wanted to have a dance party."

"Aunty Gemma!" Kristina shouted, running as fast as her little legs would take her. She hugged Gemma's legs before holding her arms up, opening and closing her hands, wanting to be picked up.

Gemma held her in her arms, "Hi, bug. Having a fun morning?"

Krissy nodded her head up and down, her wavy hair falling in front of her eyes.

\-----------------------

After breakfast, we got ready to go out to the park. Gemma walked beside me as I carried Kristina in my arms.

"Can we- we go down slide, daddy?"

"Of course! We can go down the slide as many times as you want."

"This many?" She asked, holding up her left hand, keeping her right hand still holding onto the back of my neck.

"Sure, bug."

She smiled happily and nuzzled her head into the crook of my neck, "luv you, daddy."

"Love you too."

Gemma "aww'd".

We got to the park and I followed a very excited Kristina to the slides while Gemma went to set up a blanket under a tree.

"I want you go down too." She said, taking my hand in hers to lead us up the stairs to the top on the play structure.

"Ok, do you want me to go first?"

"No, daddy! I sit on your lap." I sat down at the top of the slide and let Krissy climb into my lap, wrapping my arms around her middle.

"Ready??"

"Go go go!" I pushed us off and we flew down the slide, her laughter filling the air.

"Again, daddy, again!"

"Thought I heard some familiar voices." Louis came out of nowhere, making me jump.

Kristina moved in closer to me, still unsure how to feel about Louis. I worriedly glanced between my little girl and ex-boyfriend.

"Hey, Louis."

"Louis?!" Gemma shouted, hurrying over towards us.

He turned to give a shy smile and a wave. "Having a nice day?"

"Ya, Gem is with me and Krissy for the day. I might go to Niall's tonight."

Louis nodded, "then I might see you there....Hey, Gemma." Louis turned to acknowledge my sister who was now standing by my side.

"Heard you moved back for good."

"Uh, ya, ya I did."

"You're not gonna run away again?"

"Gemma..." I whispered with a groan.

She shrugged her shoulders, "it's a valid question."

"So uh, how's your day?" I asked, changing the subject. It felt dumb just talking about our day when I felt like what really needed to be asked was 'how is your life'. I wanted to be caught up on the last few years.

Louis smiled at the wood chips under his feet, "it's good, I suppose. 'Bout to play some footy."

I looked around, not seeing anyone else he could of came to play with, "by yourself?"

Louis shrugged, "kinda new to the area again, ya know? Only have you and the boys right now. I, uh, I don't know who else to contact again." He scratched at the back of his neck, searching for words.

"Hey, I'm not judging you. I was just curious...."

"Right, ya, of course. Um, I guess I'll just go."

"Can I play wif the ball pwease?" Krissy asked Louis, politely. It surprised me that she was even talking to Louis after saying she didn't like him very much.

"Sweetie, Louis has-"

"I don't mind."

I looked at Louis curiously and Kristina cheered, "footy!!"

"Is that ok with you?" Louis asked, holding his hand up to block the sun from his eyes.

I nodded hesitantly, letting my baby girl go off with Louis to the field.

 

_"He shoots!.... And it's another goal for Tomlinson! Styles still stuck with his grand total of zero points!"_

_I groaned and laid down in the grass, "you know I'm not any good at football, Lou." My sunlight was blocked, Louis now standing over me._

_"I know how you can score..."_

_"I'm not going to blow you in the middle of the field, Louis!"_

_"Nobody is around...."_

_"Louis."_

_Louis rolled his eyes, bending down to straddle my lap, "alright, alright. Can I at least get a kiss?"_

_Instead of answering, I pulled him down by the back of his neck and pressed our lips together. I kept the kiss short and sweet, leaving a final peck on Louis' lips before nudging him to lay next to me._

_He whined with a pout, "that's all I get?"_

_I wasn't scared of anyone seeing us. We had been back in my hometown for a few days now, never getting spotted together. There weren't any paps in such a small town and all of the kids were in school._

_"Let's just lay here for a while. We hardly ever get a moment of peace. I just want to be with you.."_

_Louis smiled fondly at me for a moment before nuzzling his head on my shoulder and into my neck. I kissed his head, enjoying having my boyfriend of three years all to myself for once in a long time. With touring and promo for One Direction, it was hard to get a moment alone._

_"That cloud kind of looks like a dolphin," Louis spoke, breaking the silence._

_"Hmm...looks like a dragon to me."_

_"What shit are you on? That's clearly a dolphin."_

_I threw my head back with a cackle, "Ok, boo, it's a dolphin."_

_"Well don't just agree with me to make me feel better. I want you to agree with me because you know it's right!"_

_I pressed him down into the grass, moving to hover above him, lips to his ear, "Baby, if you think it's a dolphin, then I think it's a dolphin."_

_I kissed down his neck leaving a wet trail._

_"It is a bloody dolphin.." Louis muttered, slightly annoyed and slightly turned on at the same time._

_I gave him an eskimo kiss, loving just being able to have him so close._

_"I love you," I whispered into his parted lips._

_"Why do you always get so sappy on me, Styles? That's what I should call you...Sappy Styles, Styles the Sap!"_

_"You're so annoyinggggg," I whined, bringing my hands to his sides to start tickling him. He jumped at the sudden contact, laughter bubbling through his lips._

_"Harry! Stop! H-h-harryyy!"_

_"Sorry, did you say stop? Hard to understand you, love."_

_Tears fell from Louis's eyes, "e-nough. H-h-haz!!"_

_I sighed, removing my hands from his sides, "aw is little Louis crying?" I asked, pinching his cheeks._

_"Piss *hiccup* off," he said, slapping my hands away._

 

Gemma put an arm around my waist, bringing me back down to earth and from my mind, "why don't you go play with them, H?"

"I'm not any good. You know that."

"Louis knows it too. Just go out there, love."

"Ok...you're sure?"

She rolled her eyes, "Go, Harry!" I smiled and jogged out to Krissy and Louis.

"Daddy, you can't play! You- you play bad."

"Heeeeeeey! That's not very nice." I pouted and Kristina giggled.

"Want to see a few tricks?" Louis asked, Kristina nodding hear head quickly.

Louis started showing off some moves that looked far too difficult for anyone to ever do. "I wan try!"

After an hour of running around the field, I called it a quits at the park. "Time to go, bug."

She pulled the puppy dog eyes and hugged at my legs, "just five minutes?" Her voice getting high and pout bigger, but her runny nose and red cheeks were proof that she had enough of the cold December air for one day.

"It's lunch time, baby girl. We need to head home," I said, exhausted from trying to keep up with the game.

"Can oo-ee come to eat?" Kristina had grown really fond of Louis during their football time. It only complicated things even more.

"Louis has his own house to go to now."

"Pweeeease?-" she turned her attention to Louis, "wan come to my house to play? I wan show you my toys! We can, um, have daddy made saniches and even cut the crust off! He's a good lunch maker!"

Louis laughed softly, "no crust, you say??"

"No crust! Daddy cuts it off! Right, daddy?"

"Absolutely! No crust for my little bug!" She blushed and hid her face against my leg.

"Is this ok?" I mouthed to Louis.

He gave me a look as if to say, 'you're the one with the rule to stay away'.

\-------------------------------

As we all walked back to the house, Gemma and Louis chatting away, I started letting myself freak out in my mind. What the hell was I doing? I just spend my morning with Louis and my child as if we were a proper family. Now he's coming over for lunch? I was supposed to never see him again, but now he's popped back into my life as if he never broke my heart and left.

I let everyone into the house, leaving Gemma with the Krissy so I could make lunch.

As I was getting all the supplies out, Louis came in, knocking on the doorway, "hey, need any help?"

"I don't think that's a good idea."

Louis chuckled, "I'll have you know, I've gotten better in the kitchen. El taught me a few things...over.....the years.." Louis slowed down, voice getting quieter as he realized he mentioned the girl he left me for.

"That's not what I meant."

He visibly swallowed hard, "w-what did you mean?"

I slammed the refrigerator shut, "I meant us, Louis! We aren't a good idea! You shouldn't even be here."

Louis' eyebrows furrowed, "then why did you let me? Why are you suddenly freaking out on me??"

"I...I don't know! I love you, ok?! ...I love you still and I can't love you. I shouldn't love you! I should hate you, but I just can't. That scares me, Louis. That after five years, I never could let go. Now you're back and I just can't escape! I don't want to push you away, but I need to stop loving you! I'm lost and I have no clue what I'm doing or what to do."

"Then don't think about it, H. Just do what feels right." Louis said, stepping closer, taking one of my hands in his. I was tempted to pull him into my arms and kiss the lips I craved and missed so much.

"Daddy!" I pulled my hand away and scooped up my little girl as she ran to me.

"Hi, princess."

"Can I show oo-ee my room?" I never would understand why kids loved to show off their room, but if it makes them happy...

"Sure. Please don't bring out the toys though. We are eating soon."

She squealed and shifted around in my arms so I would put her down. She took Louis' hand and pulled him away towards her room.

Gemma came in grabbing plates to help me finish up. "So...ya gonna tell me why Louis' here?"

I continued making lunch, ignoring her question.

"Harry."

"I don't know."

"H-"

"he came back for me." She stayed quiet and I couldn't help but get teary eyed.

"Oh, love. Don't cry."

"Why did he come back after so long? Why did he wait so long to try and get me back?"

"I don't know, H..."

"Now he's everywhere and I don't know what to do. I love him, so it's hard to ignore him."

She rubbed my back and kissed my cheek, "It will all be ok. He's obviously going to be around more, so just stay strong. Maybe it's time to get back out into the dating game. Help take your mind off Louis."

"No one is like him though, Gemma. He's the love of my life, there's no one else."

She brushed a tear off my cheek, "then maybe that's why Louis' back. Maybe you're the only one for him too."


	14. Chapter 14

I grabbed the bowl of black olives from the table to put a few on Kristina's plate as we all sat around for lunch.

She eyed them, trying to remember if she liked them or not, "Daddy?"

"Yes, princess?"

"I don't think I like these.." she said, gesturing to the five olives I placed by her turkey sandwich. 

"Baby, you said that last time but you've never actually tasted them before. Can you try for daddy today, please? They'll make you healthy and strong," I said, eating one myself to show her that they are tasty.

She picked one up and examined it like it was something from a whole other planet. 

"Baby, please just try it."

"Kristina, do you like my new nail polish?" Louis suddenly asked from across the table. I looked up to see him holding his hands up on display, with an olive on every finger. 

Kristina giggled, "Oo-ee! That's food!"

Louis gasped in shock looking down at his hands, "It is?!" 

He pulled one olive off of his thumb with his mouth, eating it.

"Ouchhhh!! My finger!!" Louis held his olive hands to his chest, pretending to be hurt. 

Kristina laughed loudly, kicking her legs in excitement. She quickly put an olive on her finger before bringing it up to her lips and biting it off. 

Louis faked a scream of panic, "You just bit your finger off!!"

Kristina swallowed her food around giggles, placing more olives on her fingers and repeating the process over and over. I watched in amazement as Louis worked his magic with her. It was a perfect family moment. I looked over at Louis to see him smiling at my baby girl with so much joy in his eyes. I could tell he was really enjoying the little moment. I certainly was. I shouldn't be letting my mind wander to daydreams of Louis being Kristina's father and this just being a typical family meal, but my heart felt lighter already.

 

_"Ok, ok, ok, I have a question for you now," Louis said, fidgeting around in my lap as we sat and watched the 2013 X-Factor finale. Well, trying to watch. We had a bit too much bubbly which would always make us a bit handsy and needy with each other._

_"Would you be the strict parent or the fun one?"_

_"What, between you and me?" I asked, stealing Louis' glass to take a sip since mine was empty._

_"Yeah, love. If we had kids which would you be? I recon you'd be the fun one."_

_"Really? I always thought that'd be you. Or that maybe we would just kinda share responsibility for both."_

_Louis shrugged, "Yeah, maybe we would share...."_

_"Do you want a boy or girl first?"_

_"That's too hard!!"_

_I let out a giggle, "I think i'd like to have a girl first."_

_Louis kissed my cheek softly. It was quiet for a while, so I assumed Louis started to actually watch the TV, but my mind was off in a daydream of me and Louis with kids._

_"You know I think about it a lot? Having kids with you," Louis said as commercials started playing on screen._

_A warmth rushed through my body. It was such an amazing feeling to be loved._

_"I think about it too, babe."_

_"I know you're it for me, H. Isn't that scary?"_

_"'S not scary. It's exciting."_

_Louis turned into me more in my lap, kissing my cheek. He ran his fingertips up and down my bare arm, sending chills across my skin._

_"You won't ever leave me, right? Even if this all gets to be too much, the hiding and closeting, you won't run?"_

_"Never. I'd never run from you."_

_Louis sighed, "I get scared a lot. Like on promo nights and stuff when I don't get to see you as much because of management. I get scared you won't be home when I get there."_

_"Where's this coming from? Louis, I will never ever leave you. I love you. I want to marry you and have kids with you and everything that goes with it. Don't ever doubt that."_

 

As the laughter died out and Kristina started on her sandwich, Gemma took it as her cue to start drilling Louis. 

"So, Louis, where are you living now?" Gemma questioned as we all sat at the dining table eating our lunch.

"Over at our old apartment complex the lads and I first lived in. I didn't give myself much time to look around for a place before moving."

"Why'd you decide to come back?"

Louis swallowed his food, stalling the conversation by taking a sip of the apple juice Krissy insisted he try.

"I, I'm sure Harry's already told you?"

"I'm asking you though."

"I didn't want to live with someone I never truly loved. I wanted my happiness back."

I blushed and shoved my mouth full of food to stop myself from saying something equally as sappy.

Gemma hummed, still trying to really feel Louis out.

We all sat in silence, Kristina humming an old One Direction song under her breath. It just so happened to be a song that I had written for Louis.

"You like that song?" Louis asked her, a huge grin taking over.

She nodded her head enthusiastically, "It's my favdit!"

"Mine too."

"Really?! It's daddy's favdit too! Right, daddy?!"

I smiled, "sure is, munchkin."

"Daddy said-ed he wrote it bout luv. He use to luv somedone a lot! He wrote bunches of songs!"

"Is that so?"

"I think it's time for you to take your nap, baby. Why don't you go upstairs and pick out two books and I'll be right up." I interrupted, not wanting the conversation to continue in the way it was going.

"B-but daddy! I don't wan nap!"

"Kristina..."

She sighed, going to put her plate away. She came back and tapped Louis' arm, "Can you read to me?"

"Umm.." Louis looked to me and I jumped right in.

"No, sweetie. Louis is going to leave as soon as he's finished lunch."

Krissy's eyes filled with tears, "I wan Wouis to read to me!"

"Kristina, please go up to your room and wait for me."

"No! Only if oo-ee can stay!!"

"Louis can't stay, Kristina. Don't fight me on this." I didn't want Louis coming into my family so easily and stealing away my precious moments with my daughter. Sure, I spend almost all of my time with her, but I really cherish that. I love cuddling with her and reading books and watching her catch onto new words and phrases.

"I don't want oo-ee to leave me!!" She burst into tears, cheeks red and wet.

"Baby, you can see him another day." If this was how she reacts to him leaving just to go home, I couldn't imagine her reaction if he ever left for good. This is what I was afraid of and it was only making me more angry. She got attached quickly and has never liked goodbyes, even if it's just for a couple of days.

"You're the worstest daddy ever! I wish oo-ee was my daddy!" She stomped off upstairs in anger and tears, slamming her bedroom door with all her might.

Worst daddy ever. She wishes Louis was her dad.

"Haz....she didn't mean it. She's a little kid, they say things they don't mean." Gemma tried to be comforting but my barrier to hold back tears broke.

"Worst dad ever.... I do so much for her and I stopped everything for her. I care about her so much. I just don't understand!" I cried, not ashamed of letting Louis see me in such a state.

"Harry, I'm so sorry. She didn't mean-"

"Shut up, Louis! This is exactly what I was afraid would happen! She got attached to you. Now when you leave and go back to Eleanor you'll be breaking two hearts!"

"I'm not going anywhere. I'm sorry that your daughter fucking likes me."

I rolled my eyes, my voice getting a bit higher due to my emotion, "likes you? She'd rather have you be her father! Really great news to hear."

"She didn't mean what she said, H."

"I'm going to go check on her..." Gemma cleared her plate and left the room in a rush. I wasn't sure if it was to escape the mess that was me and Louis or to actually make sure her niece was alright.

"You really need to leave." I told Louis, standing up and grabbing both of our plates. He followed me to the kitchen grabbing my arm to spin me around.

"I'm so so sorry for what just happened. You just have to know that she said it out of anger, not because it's true. She loves you, Harry. You're the most amazing dad ever. You really truly are. You give her everything you've got and you protect her from the bad. I know you're trying to protect her from me, but I'm not going anywhere. I swear on my life I'm not leaving you again. I love you."

My heart over powered my mind and I surprised us both by kissing his lips.

Louis immediately stepped back, hand up to his lips, "wh-"

"I'm sorry. I definitely don't know why I just did that. Um.."

Louis shook his head in a daze, "no, uh. Don't um, don't apologize."

I felt uncomfortable so I started washing the dishes as if Louis wasn't even there anymore.

"I guess I should head out..."

I threw him a nod over my shoulder, watching him nod back before leaving me alone.

\------------------------------------  
"Hey, H? Krissy cried herself to sleep."

"O-ok."

"Are you ok? Did Louis leave?" Gemma rubbed my back soothingly.

"I kissed him."

"Oh, Harry...."

"It was more of a peck. He pulled away immediately," I put my head in my hands, "Jesus, I'm so stupid."

Gemma wrapped her arms around me in a hug, "you're not stupid."

"I am though, Gem. He's probably on the first plane out of London by now."

"You're being a tad dramatic, love. I bet you just took him by surprise."

I waved her off, blinking the tears away, "I'll get over it."

Gemma gave me a tight squeeze, "you'll be ok. I have to go, but if you need me just give me a ring."

"Thanks. I love you."

"Love you too, H." I saw her out before going upstairs to check on Krissy.

I laid down beside my little girl, taking in her small features. She was utterly beautiful and all mine. The fact that I had created her and brought her into the world, was beyond me. I wondered what she would look like when she grew up, how she would dress, how her personality would change, if she would like boys or girls, would she tell me everything and always be my princess? It scared me that she wouldn't be this small child in a big world forever. That I wouldn't be able to protect her from every little thing or person. Apparently I couldn't even protect her from Louis.

\------------------------------

I woke up to tiny fingers poking my cheeks. Krissy giggled, her finger circling around my nose before poking in a nostrile. I scrunched up my face in disgust, groaning as she squealed with laughter.

"Daddy! Waked up!"

It was in that moment that I realized, Kristina was fine. She was all smiles and giggles after her meltdown and nap. I was so worried that Louis had really made his way into her heart so soon. Kristina had probably only cried because she was exhausted from such a tiring morning and also because she never got to play dolls with Louis like she was told she could earlier.

I opened one eye, "Don't you think I deserve an apology, missy?"

Krissy slumped down a bit, "I sowwy."

I sat up on my elbows, "For what, love?"

"I sowwy I calleded you a bad daddy."

"You're forgiven. Just don't do it again, baby. It hurts daddy's heart."

Her eyes widened as she crawled off the bed in a rush.

"Where are you going?"

I heard things falling to the floor and I shot out of bed to make sure she was alright. The noise led me to the hall bathroom by her room. She was sat on top of the counter, all the drawers open where she had obviously used to climb up.

"Baby, what are you doing? You could get hurt." I picked her up and put her back on the ground, closing all of the cupboards and drawers.

"I want to fixes your heart!" She held up the small box of Doc McStuffins band aids.

I cooed, "oh! Thank you, sweetheart. Should I put it on or you?"

"I do it!" I unwrapped it for her and handed it to her, being careful to make sure the sticky sides didn't get stuck together.

She placed it gently over my bare chest where my heart was hidden, "all better?"

I hummed, "much."

My daughter is too precious for words.


	15. Chapter 15

"You're sure you will be ok tonight?" Gemma whispered to me in the kitchen as I finished washing the dishes from dessert.

"I'll be fine, Gem. It will be good to see Ed."

"Louis is going to be there."

"I need to go to support Ed, Gem. I hung out with the lads and Louis last week. I can handle this. It's everyone else I have to worry about. All of the big producers and artists."

"Yeah, but that was before you kissed him and freaked the hell out when he left."

"Thanks for the lovely reminder. I'm glad I keep you around."

Gemma rolled her eyes and hip checked me, "don't be such a little shit."

"Language!"

"Sorry, mum." She replied sassily.

I left the kitchen, Gemma in tow, to go grab my things. I slipped on my black boots to match my black skinny jeans and black and white patterned button down top. I brushed my hair back in the mirror, stepping back to look myself over.

I was going to Ed's album release party and wanted to make sure I still looked like a "somebody". It had always been nerve wracking to go to music events and be around award winning musicians and producers...of course it was. The fear of saying the wrong thing, not looking my best, it never left over the years. During my last couple years of being in One Direction, I had certainly learned to control my fear and nerves, but it was always there. Now that the band is over and my role in the music industry has faded down, the fear has spiked at a high. I'm becoming less and less relevant in the news. I've lost my role in the music business. Going to big events made me feel like I needed to prove to everyone that I was alright in the world. That I'm doing just fine without my singing career.

"Thanks again, for watching her." I grabbed my wallet, putting it in my left back pocket before nervously switching it to the right for no reason at all.

"Of course! You know how much I love this little munchkin!" Gemma tickled Krissy, who was sat on her lap watching Disney on the telly. Krissy laughed, squirmming around in an attempt to escape Gemma's quick fingers.

"Alright, Krissy. Come give me a kiss. I'll see you in the morning when you wake up."

Her mood instantly changed. She ran over, tears in her eyes as she hugged at my legs, "No go!"

"It's only for a little bit, love. I'll be back when you're sleeping."

Her lip quivered, "No go, daddy! Daddy, stay! Please no go!"

I bent down to kiss her cheek and give a big hug, "I'll tell you what. When I get back home I'll make sure to come and wake you up so you can have your goodnight kiss, okay?"

"Otay..." she sniffled, hiding her face in my neck.

"Now go have some fun with Auntie Gemma before you have to go to bed!"

Gemma came over and picked Kristina up into her arms, "Let's finish watching Cinderella."

"Bye, daddy!"

"Bye, princess!"

————————————————-

"Harry! Mate! Jesus i've missed ya! Where the fuck 'ave ya been?"

I laughed, "I've missed you too, Ed. Congrats on the album as well."

Ed held up his beer bottle to knock it against my water bottle, "Cheers, mate. Have you seen Cara Delevingne around yet? She was lookin for you earlier."

"Um, no, no I haven't run into her yet."

"Well keep your eye out! Said she's gonna strangle you for not keeping in contact with her."

"Always so charming..."

Ed clapped me on the back, huge grin spread across his face, "Ah, here she comes!" He walked off to go start up a conversation with who looked to be one of his music producers.

"H! You tosser!" I blushed, looking around to make sure the high business men didn't hear Cara's loud mouth over the music....even though I'm sure they were used to it seeing as they work with Ed.

Cara pulled me into a hug, "You utter knob head. You can't just lose complete contact with me like that!"

"Sorry, love. Things have been pretty hectic in the Styles household. Maybe when Mia takes Kristina next weekend, you and I could meet for lunch?"

"Sounds like a plan! Although you must be prepared for a full on interrogation on why the hell Louis is back."

I shrugged, "Not much to tell....he's just...back?"

"Ya, ya. You better work on that story by the time we meet up," she said with a roll of her eyes. She looked over my shoulder and gave a big wave, "Oh, Haz, I gotta run. Rita wants me to do some shots."

Before I could get another word in, she was gone, half way across the room. Sighing, I searched the room for a familiar face. I felt a familiar feeling rush through my body when I saw Niall, Liam, Zayn, and Louis all sat around on a sofa and chairs. Just like old times. During these kinds of big events, the lads and I always used to find our own spot to go and talk, just to make it feel like more of a lads night and to lose the pressure. Or Louis would find a way to make it more interesting.

 

_"Do we have to go?" I whined, leaning down to rub my head into Louis's shoulder blades as he inspected his outfit in the mirror._

_"Baby, you know we do," Louis said, trying to tie his tie for the third time._

_I huffed and straightened up, turning him to face me so I could tie it for him._

_"Do we have to stay the whole time? Can we just say our hellos and leave? Please?"_

_I finished his tie, running my hands down his chest. I swear, the only plus side to these stupid management parties was getting to see Louis dressed up._

_"I'll tell you what, if you can manage to be on your best behavior with management for an hour, i'll blow you in the toilets."_

_I groaned, "Louuuuu, you can't promise me that. Everyone would know!"_

_"Isn't that what makes it fun? They force us apart in public so I give you a blowie and then make them talk to us while my lips are red and puffy and your eyes are glazed over."_

_"What is that proving to them? That you have an exhibitionist kink?"_

_Louis rolled his eyes with a smirk, "I don't have a bloody exhibitionist kink...BUT, it would show them that no matter what hell they put us through, we still are very much 100% involved and can't keep our hands off each other."_

_"You just want to get your mouth on me."_

_He shrugged, "is that such a crime?"_

_I brought my lips to his ear, "how about we step this up a notch and make it a bit more interesting. I know how much sucking me off gets you going. So why don't we make it even more difficult for you by plugging you up tonight."_

_Louis's breath hitched, making me smirk. I ran my hands down his back, resting them on his arse. I squeezed and pulled his cheeks apart, making him buck up against me._

_"Easy there, love..." I said, kissing his cheek._

_"Fuck. Ok ok ok, get the plug," Louis said, undoing his pants and leaning down on the bed on his forearms, bum up in the air for me._ —————————————————————————————————————————

 

"Oh come on, Harry! Just one shot!" Niall begged, pout on his face that wasn't fooling me one bit. Everyone around me was either drunk or well on their way there with the amount of shots Niall and Ed were throwing around. I, however, was painfully sober, having to drive home after the party.

"No, thanks. Just going to stick with my water." I held up my water bottle with a wave in the air.

"Let it go, Niall. Harry doesn't like to have fun anymore since one time he got a kid out of it," Louis slurred, "He has to stay sober to make sure he doesn't knock a girl up..." He eyed Cara who had joined me on the sofa for the past half hour to catch up.

"Fuck you! You're such an asshole!" I dumped the nearest drink sitting on the table onto Louis' head. Some drunk guy "ooo-ed" while the lads and Cara called out for me, the rest of the party guests thankfully oblivious. 

I threw out a quick goodbye to Ed before he could notice my tears and ran out the front door. 

"H! Harry!" 

"Fuck off, Louis! Leave me alone."

He stumbled down the long front porch and down the sidewalk. As much as I hated him right then and there, I needed to make sure he didn't fall down and get hurt. "I'm sorry, Haz! I'm really drunk. I don't know what I'm doing!" 

"Go back inside."

"I can't lose you again! I messed it up! I can't leave until it's better!"

"I can't talk to you when you're drunk."

"Please? Just, just...I didn't mean it!" 

"That's just it, Louis! I think you do mean it!" 

"I swear I don-"

"Don't touch me!" I shouted in anger when he grabbed my arms. 

He didn't let go, pushing me against my car, "Let me show you how much I love you, H." He held me tighter and started kissing down my neck. 

"Stop! Louis, please! You're hurting me!"

He let go, backing up slowly as if he was just possessed, "No, no, no, Harry....I didn't mean to....No.." Louis turned and tried to run away, stumbling the whole way back into the house, finally giving me a chance to breathe.

I hopped in my car fast so none of the lads could come out and try to stop me from leaving. Tears blurred my vision as I tried to drive home at two a.m. As my light turned green for me to make a right turn, a car came out of nowhere. It flew past it's red light and straight into the passengers side of my car.

**Author's Note:**

> Hiii,  
>  Thanks for reading so far! (: I'll have more up soon!


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